To my mom, my sister, my in-laws, my best friends, my friends moms, the strangers who have crossed my path and all the moms of the world….

I’m sorry.

I didn’t understand.

Since the day I had my baby girl I felt in my heart I needed to write this letter. It’s addressed to you. The mom.

I’m sorry when you didn’t want to announce your pregnancy right away I stood there in shock silently thinking in my head you’re being crazy for not sharing the amazing news right away.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry I touched your belly without asking and sounded like I didn’t care when you told me how hard it was for you to “get fat” while growing a baby.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry when your body was taken over by the evil aliens (aka hormones) I added to the problem by not understanding your point of view.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for not being more empathetic for the entire journey of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy that you went through.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for not understanding that anything other than sleeping those first few weeks/months was all that was on your mind, and I called you upset when you had no energy to hear about my bad day.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry when I told you that you were not a good friend because you missed our happy hours or girls nights out because your child needed you.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for thinking in my head “you’re not doing it right” in regards to feeding your child, parenting, your mom bod, or the schedule you were on or not on… Who the f did I think I was?!

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for the times you needed me to tell you “you are doing a great job” because your mom guilt was already at a 100% and I didnt.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for the looks I gave you (because let’s be honest I can’t hide at all what I am thinking) when you baby cried on the airplane, the grocery store…ANY public place for that matter.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry, when I told you I was busy and thought that ALL BUSIES were the same. Literally, I’m laughing as I write that.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding about how you felt when you decided to stay home with your kids or put them in daycare.

I didn’t understand.

I’m sorry for ever getting angry at you for forgetting anything. #mombrain is REAL.

I didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand how personal pregnancy is. How individual the experience is. How once the baby is here how nothing else matters. How little sleep we as mom’s function on and are still there for our children and our husbands. No wonder we are so spent by noon. I didn’t understand how REAL mom instinct is. How we really do know what is best. No matter what our own moms or friends or social media say. I didn’t understand how much our bodies change when you have a kid and how much society tells you to hate it even though it just made a baby. Like SHIT lets take that in for a moment before you tell me over facebook, magazines and the news that I’m not beautiful. I didn’t understand how hard taking care of a HUMAN is. I didn’t understand how mom guilt sneaks in and can take over your brain in seconds making you think that NOTHING you are doing is right. I didn’t understand how when you decide to stay home with your kids you give up a part of yourself that defined you. That piece of you that you went to college for, got a degree for. You left her there and now have a different role…an AMAZING role…but it’s not the same. I didn’t understand that when you drop your child off at daycare you also leave your heart at daycare, and how hard it is to function without it during the day. I didn’t understand how you can literally spend an entire day in your pjs on the couch feeding your baby and it was literally the busiest day of you life. I didn’t understand how much I’d rely on Alexa, Siri and texting myself to just remember to brush my own teeth.

I’m sorry.

The most frustrating part of life, so far for me, has been that I consider myself a very caring person. I always put myself in the shoes of the other person. However, I have found that we can only be empathetic to someone’s situation to a point….the point where we truly have no idea what they are going through unless we go through that situation ourselves.

Once I have hit that point…that point where I am LITERALLY in their shoes and I can reflect…the guilt I feel overwhelms me sometimes because I get the chance to look around and wish I reacted differently.

Maybe you all have done what I do now when I see people react who dont understand… I say “they don’t know what they don’t know” and I hold no grudge and hug them with grace. And if you have done that for me I thank you for that…for understanding where I was….but I needed to say this. Write this letter to you for my own heart to let go.

Because of YOU.

All of the moms in my life.….from my own mom, my MIL, my sister, my best friends, the moms of my friends, and even the strangers who have crossed my path …I wouldn’t be the mom I am today without you.

I love you.

xx Sarah

#mom #motherhood #daughter #littlegirl #baby #pregnancy